why does being young have to be so hard

i miss you and i want you to come back and i dont care if we're fucking young i just want to feel loved like i did once again. i want you to help me with my math homework that i was always failing. and i want you to tell me that when we can drive we'll go to the city with all our church friends. i want your friendship more than anything, if only i had that again i could deal with all this shit. because you understood me more than anyone. you had the same problems. we could cry together.

but no, you fucking left me. i dont know why. i cant tell anyone my feelings cause they don't understand. but you were my best fucking friend and it just hurts to see you all the time at the mall and not be able to talk to you.

i could talk to you. but you're always with that girl. do you even like her? or are you sad too? i dont quite understand any of this.

once upon a time we were telling stories of our school days but now you've blocked me on aim and you don't answer my calls. you dont even answer when i call from my friends phones. i dont get it.

what happened? i know im not the prettiest or nicest or smartest but you weren't perfect either. that was a lie. you were.

and i don't want the world to see me cause i dont think that they'd understand when everythings made to be broken i just want you to ANSWER MY FUCKING CALLS ASSHOLE.

i hate you because you've put this giant burden upon me. you told everyone "its cause i want her to be happy" because you thought you were hurting me with all the fighting but NO YOU HURT ME MORE BY JUST FUCKING IGNORING ME.

and its been so long but i cant get over the fact you left everything behind and just moved on so fast.

i just want to cuss you out.

i cant take this pain much longer. you used to make me feel better about my family problems and shit.

"OH BUT LIZ YOU HAVE NO PROBLEMS"

hah fuck.

i miss the stars and the cars and the dogs and the walks down to the beach and the showing me music and the hills and the flowers and the lights and the "what the hellsky!" and the clouds.

i miss it all and i want it back.