i think i've found who i was looking for all this time.

I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE

I FUCKING DONT CARE EVERYONE HATES ME I KNOW I'M SO HORRIBLE I'M A HORRIBLE FRIEND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS I CAN'T DEAL WITH DRAMA AND I HATE WHEN MY FRIENDS HATE EACHOTHER AND THIS IS JUST BULLSHIT ALL OF THIS IS BULLSHIT AND I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT CARE I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT I DONT

FUCK EVERYONE

life is pretty fucked up and i'm only fourteen

Dear Kaelie, (what I really wanted to say, but didn't have the guts)

I'm sorry I'm weak and that I can't say it in real life. I'm stupid like that. But really, what I've been trying to tell you for the 40 minutes we've been talking is, "remember the last time I went over your house? yeah, the day before that, I cut myself."

But I can't tell you that, because the words won't come out. I'll start crying. I'm hiding it beneath layers of my pride. I think you know that I did it, but I can't tell you. Ugh, Kaelie. It hurts really bad. You're sleeping now. I'm going to go upstairs, pee, and cry, and type this.

I couldn't think upstairs.

I can't even remember why I cut myself. My mom fell or something...or maybe I just felt lonely. I wanted attention? I don't know. I was going to tell you that I did it that night I went over, but I couldn't. And it's weird that I still can't. I don't know if I'll be able to tell anyone, really.

It really hurts.

Touch

Dark hands caress my cold
Porcelain skin
Brown eyes watch me
I shiver
They observe.

I want to meet the man under
The one who loves
With scrawny limbs
And messy bed head
But he is hidden, it seems

my mom asked me if i was depressed

maybe i am. but so what? why does it matter? i have other things to worry about. i can't go through that again.

Lately I've been wishing I had one desire,
Something that would make me never want another,
Something that would make it so that nothing matters,
All would be clearer then

But I guess I'll have to settle for a few brief moments,
And watch it all dissolve into a single second,
And try to write it down into a perfect sonnet,
Or one foolish line

'Cause that's all that you'll get,
So you'll have to accept,
You are here ,
Then you're gone

I believe that lovers should be tied together,
Thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather,
Left there to drown,
Left there to drown in their innocence

But as for me I'm coming to the final chapter,
I've read all of the pages and there's still no answer,
The only words before I know will soon come after,
It’s the only way it can be.

So I stand in the sun,
And I breathe with my lungs,
Trying to spare me the weight of the truth,

Seeing everything you've ever seen was just a mirror,
Spend your whole life sweating in an endless fever,
Laying in a bathtub full of freezing water,
Wishing you were a ghost

But once you knew a girl and you named her Lover,
And danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summers
But autumn came,
She disappeared,
You can't remember
Where she said she was going to

But you know that she's gone,
'Cause she left you a song,
That you don't wanna sing

Singing; I believe that lovers should be chained together,
Thrown into a fire with their songs and letters,
And left there to burn,
Left there to burn in their arrogance

But as for me I'm coming to my final failure,
I've killed myself with changes trying to make things better,
But still ended up becoming something other,
Than what I had planned to be

Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers,

And laid entwined together on a bed of clover,

And left there to sleep,

Left there to dream of their happiness.

i'm sad because i'm lonely
i'm sad because nothing works out right
i'm sad because i'm ugly
i'm sad because i love him
i'm sad because she's dying
i'm sad because i'm fat
i'm sad because no one cares
i'm sad because i'm young
i'm sad because those days are over
i'm sad because i don't care
i'm sad because i can't write
i'm sad because it's true
i'm sad because i'm a liar
i'm sad because i'm tired
i'm sad because i want to live a life that isn't mine.

i miss everything

i miss my ability to write. i miss sadness. i miss sly. i miss school. i miss love. i miss katie. i miss ryan ross. i miss degrassi. i miss happiness. i miss being cool. i miss not being afraid. i miss savanna. i miss thedevilsangels. i miss makeup. i miss being rebellious. i miss sunshine. i miss summer. i miss winter. i miss six flags. i miss rachel. i miss music. i miss panic at the disco. i miss blogger. i miss crying. i miss kaelie's house. i miss having a crush. i miss cde. i miss having fun. i miss people. i miss hating people. i miss everything.
i'm really sad. really, really sad. no sleep tonight.
:/

summer is almost over

i am so excited

Waking up an hour and a half before you have to sucks, especially when it's six in the morning.

I'm not your friend, I'm just a man who knows how to feel. I'm not your friend, I'm not your lover, I'm not your family.

i dont mean to be a brat but i really want it

I WISH I WAS MORE INTERESTING

it's getting worse, against all the odds.

you can't face the truth

Hey does this mobile thing work?

remind me to not eat so much icecream
BELLY ACHE

>>'

HAI I MADE A NEW BLOG

SAME POSTS, BUT DIFFERENT URL. GOOD. OKAY.

okay so we switched computers
and these ones have shitty keyboards bahaha
and you can like hear us typing from like a mile away
and julia's has like muffin's at it
and omg. XD
i msis the cool keyboards. i want to disinfect my hands. kjlga;ljsh

hai blogger

whats up. im at uconn using the macs. i want a mac, they're so great. all i have is my hp. lame.
so uh yeah. yesterday in school all we did was listen to our ipods and read fanfiction. ;D it was great. everything is great. especially this. :3
im waiting for like 20 year olds to come and hit on me like they did last time. that was fun but kinda awkward. i can't type very well today and im not used to this keyboard.
i can't go on facebook i feel like a n00b. i liked it when no one was here. blogger makes me feel cool.
don't whistle dude im not gonna look at you. IM NOT INTERESTED lawl.
uhm i wish i had some followers on here, but im kinda glad i don't because this is pretty personal. even though all my friends read this. well some, not a lot. mah.
i feel like i need to say something but theres nothing to say
i wish i still went on tumblr because then i'd be having more fun right now XD but oh well
I DONT LIKE TUMBLR everyone is ghay
i'd rather be on here it's much funner. that isnt a word. it's way more fun. there.
julia commented about how people stare at our computers when they walk by like "what are you doing?"
aklsjdghlkjhsd so i made the font small so no one could read it cause how weird would that be if they just read my blog
ja;lsdgj;la;sdhghal;

yeah i haven't talked to brittany in a while idk if she's still angry at me but whatever :3 i don't caaareeeee
or maybe i do
oh well
im listening to panic at the disco. i miss them.
i like these keyboard

savanna says:

*lmfao

*im fifteen bitch

elizabeth maureen - says:

*you old person

*god

*go get a wheelchair

*jesus

savanna says:

*...

*i am in a wheelchair

cause im a wishful thinker with the worst intentions

okay so i'm just not going to talk to you anymore, because you got mad at me for a stupid reason so we must not really be friends.

and i might be taking this too far but i'm really angry that you would just stop taking to me because of that, it wasn't that bad. and now you're all fine. but idk i'm not.

because i take things to heart and i overreact sometimes too. but it hurt (a lot) when you were all "you shouldn't of told"

okay maybe i shouldn't of, but of course i would of. of course. and it's not like it wouldn't of got out anyway.

i even said sorry...i just don't understand how you didn't understand...

god, it was an accident. okay? and you and him did the exact same thing. you hypocrite.

ignoring people doesn't help btw.

i just needed to get this out.

i don't even miss you :]

OMG WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY

BRITTANY HATES SAVANNA

BECAUSE SAVANNA HATES BRITTANY

AND ME AND JOSH ARE ALL WHAT THE HELL I CANT TAKE THIS

AND fuck.

i'd rather feel alone for the rest of my life, then feel that pain ever again.

at night i get sad for no reason

omg i miss this so much. such good memories. and i thought i'd never come back...

somedays are just the same

crying about the change that never comes

and you never showed your face

not even when the light was shining upon you

and now the darkness has taken it course

and i don't know who you are anymore

and i won't ever understand you

and you won't ever understand my pain

you were always lying about something,

even though you didn't need to

nothing is sacred, and you are a fake.